Day 2

I woke up earlier than the rest of my family, as I usually do and upon the first sip of my second cup of coffee it occurred to me where I would begin... Vices. In order for anyone to truly appreciate themselves the inner dialog about having a vice needs to change. Certainly if a behavior is self destructive it must discontinue, however, I find that giving these things up is so much easier with a healthy replacement rather than a "cold-turkey" cleansing.
First you must know that I am a reformed smoker, binge drinker and daily drug user. I told myself the cigarettes "relaxed me" and kept me thin. I believed that drinking allowed me to gracefully socialize in large groups. (A realm I was never quite comfortable in) and the drugs I believed helped me cope with my own emotions. I'm hoping you are already seeing a pattern but if not I'll be more clear. I was killing myself slowly from the inside out but convincing myself that I was not enough of a person to flourish in life without them. Now ask yourself, as a rational human being, does that make any kind of sense?
Eventually these behaviors started to do serious damage to my abilities and relationships, so I started with the most obvious one and found a replacement. They say it's not always a good thing to replace one vice with another and being quite new at it, that's precisely what I did. I gave up drugs but smoked and drank more. I was still convinced that vices were a "necessary evil" in order to thrive. It took some time, therapy, and wrongfully prescribed medication before things started to really sink in.
The terms "vice" "addiction" and "habit" were only terms. Words describing both physical and emotional feelings about repeated behaviors were, to be plain, just words. Through a DBT class I began to truly challenge the perception I had embraced about whether I controlled feelings or feelings controlled me. I had had it backwards my whole life. I realized I could pick and choose my feelings about my behavior. I could feel beautiful, smart, funny, kind, guilty, shameful, or tormented... it really was up to me.
I began replacing the terminology in my head. Not with silly "I love myself mantras" or anything like that but If I initially internalized a need for a cigarette I would consciously change the phrase to I need to take a walk. When I wanted a drink I made tea and verbalized to myself that tea was what my body wanted.
In February of 2008 I was officially "vice" free. My habits changed to healthy cooking, outdoor activities, exercise and being a reliable friend and family member. And through these behaviors I started to feel a genuine love for me and a gratitude for life.
My advice today is... when your mind instinctively suggests you hurt yourself, choose to make-up your own mind. Be an active player... because you're the star.
And don't forget to breathe.